Saturday, May 15, 2010


For OO

We never made this choice
Fate made it for us
And brought us together
-Despite their basket mouth-
To be together forever as one

And just like heaven and earth
We have been glued together
And left with no other option
But to be together as one
And lovingly gaze at each other


Okumephuna Chukwunwikezarramu
March 6, 2007.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Foolish Nazis

On that May 7, 1945
After about six years of non-stop stupidity
The foolish Nazis suddenly realised
The enormity of their foolishness
And just out of the blue
It dawned on their peanut brains
That they have been heiling
A Lunatic-In-Chief called Adolf Hitler

-a coward who took his own life
instead of fighting till the end
to fulfil what his schizophrenic brain
revealed to him is a patriotic mission-

And they developed cold feet
Shamefacedly laid down their weapons
And were smuggled into South America
Via the Vatican by the Pope and his men
Despite the enormity of their sins
Against God and humanity

Till today some are still living underground
Pending when Mossad tracks them down
To face the consequences of their stupidity
And atone for the sins committed against all of us.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
November 11, 2009.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


You hold my future in your hands
I therefore stand in awe of you
I stand in awe of you
Not because you can defeat me
But because you are uncertain
Uncertainty comes before a defeat
And it would be a sheer madness to fight with an enemy
You cannot not see or know where he comes from
Or what he comes with

I cannot make a prediction of you
I cannot sneak a look into you
I cannot say what you look like
I can never fathom you
Or defeat you
For fighting against you
Is not like fighting against flesh and blood
But fighting against principalities and power

You are highly elusive!
What manner of creature are you?
What colour are you made of?
Who is so heartless and loveless to cause your being?
What manner of joy does our worry about you give to you?
You are heartless and mean!
Pregnant and unfathomable!
Highly unpredictable and Incomprehensible!
And always come with heartache and headache
Arrogantly showing up with might and main as a knight
And flamboyantly terrorising us with anxiety and angst.

*Echidime is an Igbo Language word that translates into ‘Tomorrow is Pregnant’ in English.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
June 11, 2007.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Am Optimistic!

Forward ever
Backward never
Onward ever
Looking back never
Am always optimistic
And never pessimistic
I have always been
And would continue to be
For one happy day
Just one happy day
And that day is already at hand
All these trials would become a history

And I will sleep and wake up each day like a king
And no more like a pauper
All labels would suddenly disappear
No more to be called ‘that one’
No more to be denied jobs
No more to be seen as a second-class citizen
No more to be degraded and humiliated
Just because of a piece of paper

That day is nigh
And it is filled with hopes and assurances
At least one would finally be assured
Of a warm comfortable bed devoid of anxiety
A very peaceful night and a bright morning
The freedom to walk along the street
Without the fear of interrogation and deportation

Am optimistic!
That is my strength and my stronghold
My faith and my hope
And it shall not be in vain.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
June 22, 2009.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

You Got Me

At Last you got me
You are importunate
And I admire your persistence

Ever since I heard of you
I have been running away from you
As far as my legs could carry me away from you

But you never relented in pursuing me
You kept your faith and kept pursuing me
Like a hard cock after a wet pussy

Now you have captured me
You have engulfed and taken over me
Am now at your mercy

And soon thou shall render me powerless
Till I finally succumb to your powerful grips
A grip better imagined than experienced.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
May 20, 2009.

Saturday, April 10, 2010



Nothing and I mean it
Nothing will ever separate us
Nothing, not even earth
Nothing, not even air
Nothing, not even fire
Nothing, not even water
Nothing that the world says
Nothing and I mean it

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
March 10, 2010.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Jesus Christ

Was Jesus Christ really a man?
Did He ever live with a woman?
Did He ever enjoy doing things as a human?
How about masturbating as a human?

Did He ever have an orgasm?
Just as humans do have orgasm?
If He was really both a man and a God
It then means that as a man He must have snogged!

Did the bible not say He was filled with love?
Which means He must have known one or two things about love?
Wasn’t John the Divine called the beloved apostle?
Does that mean He fell in love with the beloved apostle?

And could that mean He was gay?
Because He never condemned being gay!
Maybe He never read about Sodom and Gomorra
And could also have been ignorant of Gonorrhoea

But He was dearly loved by Mary of Magdala
Even though as a virgin He never saw a vagina
But Mary of Magdala knows too much about orifice?
That is why for her salvation He died on the cross as a sacrifice

Methought Christians claimed He was betrayed by a Jew
And killed only by a few
But the Jews claimed He died of heart attack
Although the Scribes believed it was art attack.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
June 20, 2009

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Something Smells Here!

Something smells here!
And it has a terrible odour
It smells heavily
It is unbearable
It is in the air
You could feel it
It is very infectious
And could give one
Ebola, Onchocerciasis and Cerebrospinal Meningitis-
All at the same time

It seems to come with the wind from Africa
Something horrific and appalling out of Africa
Nasty, foul, disgusting, stinking, fetid, putrid
It still smells
Oh my gosh!
It comes with the wind from West Africa
It is horrible
It is terrible
It stinks like mad

I know it
I thought of it
I should have known it
For that is the only place it could have come from
It is from Nigeria; my poor Nigeria
Yes I know it
My senses are not deceiving me
It is corruption
Nigeria is stinking
Stinking heavily of corruption!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
October 8, 2009.

Another Meaningless Christmas!

Another meaningless Christmas!
And am sure you are gonna regret this one as usual!
A happy day that has been turned into a sorrowful day!
Some will eat and eat and eat and throw away the leftovers
Even as people are dying of hunger thousands of miles away in Darfur
Others will drink and drink and drink and get drunk and end up in the gutter
Even though somewhere in Ethiopia someone is dying to get a drop of liquid
No matter how dirty, filthy, unclean or bitter to quench his thirsty throat
And here we are overeating, over drinking and over indulging
Not because we really need to but because of our greed
Even when this poor family right the next door
Has got nothing to eat and nothing to drink
Not even an old blanket to fight the cold!
Another season of indulgence for us!
A meaningless Christmas for them!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
December 25, 2009.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Ministry of Education, Nigeria

Federal Secretariat Abuja, 10:48 Am, October 12, 2009

A very busy Monday morning
In the Federal Ministry of Education
Staff very busy as usual doing nothing
Women occupied with their manicure and pedicure
Laughing and chatting about their weekend exploits
With guys young enough to be their kids
Innocent lads lured into sexual debauchery with some money

Men lusting after young fresh graduates on NYSC
Sizing up their boobs and bums
Security men and drivers having endless break
Smoking skunk at the car park
And whispering about their recent sexual exploits
With girls young enough to be their granddaughters

Directors feasting voraciously on akara and bread
As if there would be no tomorrow
Just like a lion over a coveted carcass
Army of babies crawling and crying here and there and yonder
While other battalions are playing with computer cords and printer cartridges
The scenario is actually not surprising because they make babies here everyday
Courtesy of the lecherous and lascivious directors

Permanent Secretary chatting with his mistress on the Facebook
Smiling and laughing out aloud to nobody but to himself
Showing widely his snuff-stained 32 like that of a gorilla
Press Secretary admiring the semi-nude picture of the Guardian correspondent
And grinning like a pervert on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted Fugitives
While the minister is busy attending to urgent matters
In his locked-up office with the education reporter of the NTA

The ASUU is on strike
And has been since the last six months
Students therefore have no other option
But to stay at home too
Endless negotiations have been going on for ages
An opportunity for both parties to exhibit their lucubration
Professors want pay rise
But the minister says there is no money

Even as
He hosts litany of parties here and there
The real Owambe parties
One in honour of his late great grandfather
And the other to celebrate the arrival of his wife’s seventh child
And that was barely a month after having one for the fourth of his mistress
All to the tune of about Ten Million Naira
And yet the professors and students are at home
And he says there is no money to meet their demands

By the way
After attending to the urgent matters with the NTA Reporter
He came out with a huge hard-on
And some stuffs that look like congealed milk on his trousers
And the 22-year old reporter was busy giggling like a conqueror
Clutching a cheque of Fifty Thousand Naira
Like a blind man holding tenaciously to a guide dog
And bouncing up and down like an athlete who won a trophy
Well it is apparent that she just won one
For the minister obviously looks like a looser
You should see sweats dripping down his face
Like a Christmas he-goat
He must have lost a lot
He probably made it up to three rounds
It is written all over his face
Shameless sugar daddy!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
October 8, 2009.